I am most alone when I'm with other people

There's a reason for that. When I'm around other people and just sitting there and staring into space while other people are having conversations and enjoying themselves, I feel very alone and very much like a big fat loser. Why won't they talk me? Why can't I talk to them? What's wrong with me? But when I'm alone, I know the reason why everyone else isn't talking to me, it's because they aren't there. If they were here, I tell myself, they would be talking to me.

When I'm alone, I'm not forced to notice how everyone else is so comfortable with each other and has so many friends and people who care about them. When I am alone, I can be me and not worry about everyone else, I can forget about everyone else.

I kinda sound like a hermit or something.

10:12 p.m. November 13, 2002
yesterday . not so yesterday