I'm really tired. Really really. But I don't want to go to sleep because I don't have school tomorrow so I can stay up. And I wanna.

I don't get people. I don't get how they get in stupid little arguements that don't matter and that they're wrong about anyway. I don't get how we get strung up about people of the opposite sex. I don't get why it's all such a big deal.

And love. I don't get love. I've had so many friends who've been in these long relationships, they give themselves to these people, heart, body and soul, and they get they'r heart broken and all of a sudden this person that they "love" they are talking about nastily behind his back, pointing out all his mistakes and weaknesses, treating him like crap, when just a few months before they could picture themselves growing old with him. Was there ever really any love at all? I've always gotten the impression that love means caring for a person's well-being before your own. Treating them with respect and kindness. Not suddenly hating them because of a few harsh words.

I've never really been romantically "in love" with anyone persay. I can't picture myself ever being in love, being so emotionally dependent on one person. Being any sort of dependent on one person. People are dumb. Even the good ones screw up. People are weird, and so is love. It's so vague and up in the air. A word that people throw around, and I really wonder if any of them know what it means. I don't. I know the kinds of love like love for you best friends, love for your mom, love for mankind. But, romantic love. What is that? It seems selfish to me. You think you love this person because he makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, because you get excited when he walks in the room, because he makes you feel good about your self. You love him because of the way he makes you feel. It's all about you. Isn't one of the main characteristics of love is that isn't selfish? I don't get it.

I don't know, I'm tired.

11:44 p.m. February 15, 2004
yesterday . not so yesterday