So I like Brett again Have I ever really stopped liking him? I don't know. He's just such a cool guy. And he's a Christian and he's nice and cute and all that good stuff. I was sitting next to him at church tonight, we were on the front row, and I made a comment under my breathe about how cold it was. I didn't think anyone was listening but Brett asks, "want me to turn on the heat?" and he does. He get up and goes all the way to the back of the room and turns up the heat. Whatta guy. And so we're sitting next to each other, right? And are arms and sometimes are legs kept touching each other and I was like freaking out inside, and it's not like we were squished together or anything, there was no one sitting next to him and the guy sitting next to me wasn't touching me and it was all very fun. Liking someone is so much fun, you know? Getting excited whenever they walk in the room, getting excited when their hand brushes against yours, getting excited whenever they draw you a little picture that says "Brett loves you!" when you're frustrated because the stupid PowerPoint keeps screwing up, getting excited when they do little nice things for you that your not expecting, getting excited when they pull up a chair to sit down next to you. It's all very exciting.

And then there's this other guy, Kevin, who totally likes me, everyone knows it, but whom I don't really like, although he's really cute, he's a lot younger than me and immature and all that stuff. But anywho, I flirt shamelessly with him, which is horrible, but I can't help it. He makes me feel special.

This past year I've really started to feel a lot better about myself concerning guys. I used to moan and groan about being lonely and not having a boyfriend and wondering what was wrong with me and all that crap, but I've started to realize that that's what all that is, crap. I'm awesome. I don't need some smelly guy to make me feel good about myself. And I've started to realize that some guys do find me attractive, more than I thought really (I bet I sound really arrogant, but I don't really care, this is my journal, and I'm allowed.). It's really uplifting. This all started with that whole Moore fiasco, when I realized that relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be and unless they're with the right person, they can be down right annoying. So it's been good since then. It's been real good.

11:05 p.m. February 22, 2004
yesterday . not so yesterday