i want more than just okay
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I am wearing a pink Power Puff Girl watch.

So, stuff. New stuff. Hm.

I don't know if I've said this or not, but my brother is back. He did a lot of not going to class and doing drugs and getting busted by a narc last semester, so he's back here this semester. He's planning on going back to Tennesse in the fall. It's been nice having him back, having someone to watch TV with and goof around with and stuff, it's fun. My brother is a cool guy, though I don't like the whole smelly like smoke thing. We'll be watching TV and he'll step outside for like ten minutes and come back reaking of cigarette smoke. I didn't know you could smok a cigarette that fast. I usually don't say anything. He knows I don't like it, I just don't enjoy confrontation.

I heard a really nice thing today. Allison was telling me how she was talking to this girl, Laura, about me and Laura asked if I had a boyfriend. Well, Allsion told her that I've only ever really had one boyfriend, and Laura was really surprised at that fact. She said that I was so pretty and nice and perfect that she didn't understand that. Isn't that sweet? It's the nicest thing when you hear someone complimented you when you weren't right there in the room, because you know it's true, you know? And what's scarey is that that's not that first time I've been called perfect when I wasn't around. I definitely don't see myself as anything resembling perfect. Sometimes I feel really obnoxious and childish, and other times I feel really shy and geekish. I feel inadequate a lot. Especailly at school. Not at the academic thing, but the whole being a high school student thing. I'm so shy at school, and I see all the girls around me with so many friends and so much confidence and I just don't get it. How can they just, not care? Or how can they do care and still be outgoing and flirtatcious?

Oh well, I really don't care all that much.

So I have this book called The Conversation Piece and I'm going to aske myself some questions.

If you could have your picture taken with any living person the in the world today, with whom would you choose to be photographed?
At first I would say Johnny Depp, because he's freakin' the coolest guy alive. I mean, he's definitely the epitome of cool, but then I get to thinking, and I would want my picture to with someone that would make my many grandchilden say, "DUDE! You met (insert name here)?! You're the coolest grandma ever!" or whatever the hip lingo of the day happens to be.. I want it to be someone everyone knows, someone really interesting. So I think I would pick Micheal Jackson. He's definitely a very unique guy, and someone that everyone knows. He may not be cool, but he's certainly . . . something. I heard it remarked once that we should be thankful, we are living at the time that the weirdest guy ever is alive. Seriously, can you think of anybody in history weirder than Micheal Jackson? Come one people, Jesus juice? I didn't think so.

Speaking of Jesus, I'm going to The Passion tomorrow. I'm excited, it's going to be mega intense. I'll let you know how it is.

Okay, next question.

If you could bottle something in nature and sell it, what would you choose?
I think I would want to bottle the way it smells right after it rains. I love that smell. Not to wear on my person, but to spray around my house.

If you could add a new room to your house, what would it be?
I gigantic library with every book (in English) ever written in it. All the books would be listed on a well organized database, by author, topic, and what have you, so they can be easy to find. The bookshelves would cover every wall to the ceiling, and the room would be gigantic (like in Beauty and the Beast) and there would be a tall ladder on wheels so I can easily access every single book (like on Beauty and the Beast) ooo, and the room would be round so that one ladder could easily be wheeled around the entire room. It would also include a little Starbucks bar complete with a hot boy to serve me Tazoberrys with cream at my whim, even in the winter. He would be intelligent and we would talk about books together, and he would tell me how beautiful I was everyday, not because he had to, but because he adored me. There would also have to be a papzon somewhere, and various other comfortable places to lounge and read. It would be sweeet.

That's enought for now.

9:45 p.m. February 25, 2004
yesterday . not so yesterday