Long time no see. But here I am listening to Bright Eyes, resurecting my old diaryland...diary. But it's not a diary. If it was a diary, I would be thirteen, and it would have a lock. And the pen I'm writing with would be hot pink and be fuzzy. But I'm not even writing with a pen. And I'm nineteen. And I'm cool. So this is a journal.

Journalland

But then there's two l's next to each other. And it leaves one to wonder. Should one take out one of the l's - journaland? But then what's a journa? Or what's an and? But then if one leaves both l's, then it just is not aesthetically pleasing. Journalland.

So I guess diaryland is best. Or just better.

I listened to the whole Bright Eyes CD now. I bought it today for 8.99 at Target. Pretty dang good deal, if you ask me. I was going to buy it on iTunes for 10 bucks, but this is better.

I needed this. Just to ramble. To strangers. Or nobody. I was feeling very restless. I felt like I needed to create something. Like a great piece of art work, or a life-altering poem, or a heart-wrenching song. But I can't do any of that stuff. I'm pretty plain. So here I am. And this works.

Maybe I'll be back.

Maybe not.

Ok, so I'm back already.

I'm back from college. For Thanksgiving. I'm a freshman in college now. I'm fresh. So fresh and so clean clean. College feels like a dream now. I kind of want to go back, just to reassure myself that it's still here, that my friends are still my friends, that I still have a dorm room, that I still get mail in box #81576. It all feels like a dream. A good one. Not like heaven or anything. Not bliss. Just pleasant.

There's a boy there. He's not mine, he's someone else's. He's pretty neat though. A lot like me. Goofy and kind of shy. He's smart and nice-looking too. But he's someone else's. A girl who's not even that cute. Should that be comforting? Is it wrong that I feel cuter than her? Am I vain? Prideful? Yes. Yes. I know that we'd be good together. I think he knows it too. We are going to freshman formal together. "As friends." I bought a dress Wednesday for it. It's black. It's a "you should break up with your not-as-cute-girlfriend and be with me" kind of dress. The formal is.......a week from tonight actually. Hmm. I just got butterflies in my tummy. Maybe I'll tell you how it goes. If your nice.

This song I'm listening to now has my name in it.
"Laura's asleep in my bed. As I'm leaving she wakes up and says, 'I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave, baby don't go away, come here'"
It's "Landlocked Blues" by Bright Eyes.

It's the cocktail effect. I wasn't even paying attention to the song. I wasn't listening to the song. Its was just noise in the background. I can't tell you what he sang before my name, but once he said my name, I knew. The cocktail effect, it is

Cock. Tail.

Heh.

I couldn't write the word "cock" in my xanga. My friends would be abashed. (Cock) It's naughty. (Cock) My friends are good. (Cock) But I have no friends here. (Cock) So I can say whatever I want. (Tail.)

This has been fun. Let's do it again sometime.

11:22 p.m. November 25, 2005
yesterday . not so yesterday