I don't have to be at school tomorrow untill 11:15, which makes going to bed right now very difficult. I don't want to, because I know I can stay up, so even though I'm tired, I don't want to go to bed. You know? You know.

And that's all. Thank you.

Well, not really. I'm talking to Tyler online right now. Apparently he's found "someone special" in Calafornia. That's cool . . for him. Her name's Stephanie. Somehow I just can't see him with a Stephanie. Maybe a Laura . . . oh not this again.

I wish I could tell him about my special someone. You know, the one I have . . . Stupid Tyler, making me feel all sorry for myself and nerdy. Stupid moving to Calafornia. I wish he was here.

I feel inadequate right now. I feel unhappy. Why, oh why, do I let things like this bug me so much? It' not that big of a deal. Nothing is wrong with me or my life. Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like everyone . . . I don't know, everyone is different than me? That I'm just this awkward, dorky, sixteen year old girl that only pretends to know what she's doing, but is really so confused and lonely. Lonely. Am I really? I don't need to be. I have friends who love me. I don't want to turn into one of those girls that always "I want a boyfriend! I'm so pathetic! I want a boyfriend." I'm not like that. I don't need some male to make me happy. But sometimes I feel like I do, like right now. But I know it's not true, but I don't. I just wish I knew everything and was all wise and understood life and crap. I wish I knew why I felt like this. And don't give me that "Oh, you're a teenager, all teenagers feel like this" crap, even if it's true. I hate it when people say that. Just because I fall into the ages from 13-19, doesn't make my feelings less real or any less important. I'm more than a teenager, I'm a person.

Whatever. This is stupid.

10:28 p.m. April 28, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday