My AP test is tomorrow. And I'm okay with that. I'm not so freaked out anymore. I know this makes me a nerd, but part of me is kind of excited about it. The challenge. I don't feel so much pressure, because I know that if I fail it, that's ok. It doesn't hurt me. I'll be bummed out for like, five minutes, but it's not that big of a deal. And if I pass it, some colleges don't even accept AP credit, but it would be cool anyway. I'd feel all smart and stuff. (I am so smart. S-M-R-T. D'oh!) So yeah. I feel pretty good right now. Which really isn't what I've been expecting.

And I think I know why I feel okay all of a sudden. I think it's because my friends are praying for me. I really think that's it. I've been freaking out all weekend about this test, and then tonight I told two of my friends to pray for me about it, and I all of a sudden feel good about it. I think it's God.

Oh no. Maybe I spoke to soon. I just started feeling nervous a little again. I started thinking about the essays and what if I know nothing about the prompt and I have to write a DBQ and it's going to be hard. Errg! I need to stop thinking. It's going to be fine. I could write "Watermelon" all over my paper, and I'll be ok. I'm okay.

I wish I could fast forward to Tuesday and have this all be over with. I seriously can't imagine life after this test. I've built it up all year long. It will be such a big relief when it's over. I can forget everything I've learned. I won't, probably, but the cool thing is that I can. You know.

I just want this thing to be over.

Man, I wonder what I'm going to be like next year when I'll have to take three of these things. I'll probably look back and this entry and laugh at my freaking-out-ness.

11:16 p.m. May 11, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday