Why hello. Long time no see . .er. I'm just sitting here, feeling pretty, listening to John Mayer, in a fantastic mood, and felt like expressing it. I feel fantastic.

There

So how's things with you. Heh. Like all the -1 people who ever glance at this diary. Meh.

My cousin Rob made me happy today. I love him so much. He's such a cool person. It's fun, cause I'm like his little sister and he loves me and stuff. It's definitely fun cause my real big brother is in Nashville attending Belmont University.

I missed him today for the first time in a little while. I can't remember what brought it on . .I just know it was something specific that I miss us doing together. Like racing down Precint Line or something. I hope he's doing ok. I know he started smoking again, and that makes me hurt inside. And I don't think he's going to church or anything either, and that hurts me too. He just hangs out with the other people who smoke at his school, he told me last time he came home, because there's only one spot on the campus where smoking is permitted so all the smokers know each other. So even if Will wanted to quit, I don't think he'd have much luck at it,because all his friends do it.

Hey, this is hurting my fantastic mood. Stop it

Ug, and I have school tomorrow. That saddens me.

I feel like something. I don't know what it is. Writing in this diary always makes me feel all introspective and crap. Like I should be profound or something. It sometimes gets annnoying because I have nothing profound to say but I feel like I should. I feel something, but I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I'm listening to John Mayer's "Somethings Missing" song, and it's making me feell like . . .somethings missing . . . and I don't know how to fix it.. . I've just decided that I really like that song. I feel it a lot. I feel like I have this great life and tons of great friends and stuff, but I feel like there's something wrong sometimes. Like right now. Like there's something missing. Here's the lyrics to the song:

I'm not alone
I wish I was
because then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
to love me like
they do right now

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
it doesn't help the hunger pain
and a thrist I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
and I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
and I don't know what it is
at all

When autumn comes
it doesn't ask
it just walks in where it left you last
you never know when it starts
until theres fog inside the glass around your summer heart

Something's missing
and I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
and I don't know what it is
at all

I can't be sure that this state of mind
is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this

Something's missing
and I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
and I don't know what it is
no I don't know what it is
somethings different
and I don't know what it is
no I don't know what it is

friends
(check)
money
(check)
well slept
(check)
opposite sex
(check)
guitar
(check)
microphone
(check)
messages waiting on me when I get home

Yeah, that's kinda how I feel. But as I just wrote it all out, I'm kinda over it now. Meh. I'm fickle. I'm a teenage girl.

But in other, more exciting news, next Saturday a bunch of my friends are coming over to my house and we are going to watch the entire second season of 24. I'm rather excited.

And now I'm tired. But going to bed means having to go upstairs and taking out my contacts and brushing my teeth and washing my face and changing and feeling guilty for eating so much and for not doing sit ups and all that is just no fun. Going to bed is so tiresome. It's not right.

So instead I'll just not. I'm always responsible. I always go to bed at a reasonable hour. I should rebel. I never rebel. Teenagers are supposed to rebel.

Meh. Weh. Reh. Teh. Yeh. Peh. Seh. Deh. Geh. Feh. Heh. Jeh. Keh. Leh. Zeh. Ceh. Veh. Beh. Neh. I think that's every consanet. Consenant? Consenent? Cuotmajdont?

Maybe I should get some sleep.

This has been fun. Maybe we should do it again sometime. I'll have my people call your people. We'll do lunch. That reminds me of the movie Simone. I'd be okay if I died without ever seeing that movie again.

9:58 p.m. September 28, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday