I just deleted my whole last entry because it made me sad. It was a waste of space. All it was was a vain attempt to sound witty and interesting. I'm not a good actress, so reading over it again made me want to poke my eyes out, kind of. I wish I really was witty and interesting. That would make writing in here so much more fun. But this white box is just so darn intimidating. It taunts me. "Come on Laura, write something interesting. I dare ya." Blech. That's how I feel about everything right now. Blech. If only I wasn't such a pathetic teenager, then maybe what I have to say would actually matter. Maybe not.

On a totally different subject, my Mom can really bug me sometimes. It's not her fault, she's a great person, but sometimes I just want to snap at her. And she doesn't deserve it, so I don't. I hold my tongue like a good daughter and smileal;dfj;o aweqwvio fh FGLSDKN

I'm so annoyed with myself. I can't go on with what I'm talking about, because I'm so annoyed with myself. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I hate this feeling! It makes me want to rip out my hair.

So I have no eyes and no hair now. Great.

Great. Great. Great.

I'm starting to cry. I wish I wasn't such a menstral case. I wish I wasn't a girl so that my emotions could actually have some validation other than its just "that time of the month" or whatever. I wish I actually meant something to anyone. I wish I made sense to myself. I wish I could talk to guys. I wish I was athletic. I wish I was ambitious. I wish I was bold. I wish I was sexy. I wish I was beautiful. I wish I was unforgettable. I wish I was great at something. I wish I could commit to things. I wish I didn't second-guess myself so much. I wish I didn't think about things so much. I wish I didn't quit so much. I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I didn't hurt so much. I wish I wasn't afraid of myself. I wish I could be me. Or anything.

"I'm alive but tell me am I free
I've got eyes but tell me can I see
the sky is falling and no one knows
we shouldn't be hard to believe
shouldn't be this difficult to breathe
the sky is falling and no one knows"
Lifehouse, Sky is Falling

9:32 p.m. October 02, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday