So I woke up yesterday morning still excited about the fact that Moore and I are together and still reeling from our date last night and it was all good.

I went to church and lunch, with Moore always at my side, always wanting to touch me, always talking to me.

I didn't like it. I realized I don't want this. I don't want someone always clinging to me and always having to hold my hand, someone who always had to know where I was.

So I decided to give it a week, see how I felt after a while. But I didn't want to give it a week. I didn't want to have to call him while I was in San Antonio (which I'm leaving for in like 2 minutes) and I didn't want to go out with him again on Friday night. I didn't want to be attached to him. Ya know? So I asked some people what I should do about it. The general consensus was that I should honestly tell him how I feel and not lead him on, but not make it that big of a deal. So I said something to the effect of this:

" I know we really haven't defined what we are, if we're boyfriend and girlfriend or anything, but I just want to let you know that I don't really want a boyfriend right now. I think you're awesome and I love to hang out with you, but I don't really want to be in a relationship right now. Do you understand?"

It was really quick, and I really felt so awful for doing it, but I didn't want to go on like this. Throughout the whole schpeal Moore remained expressionless. Then he said, "okey dokey" and walked away.

I felt bad the whole night, but also really good, because even though I hurt him, I knew that I did the right thing. And I felt free. I feel so silly , because we had only gone on one date and it became this big thing, but oh well. It's ok to be silly.

Anywho, later that night, Moore came up to me and said, "Even though we only went out for a few days, I had a really good time with you and I'm glad we did. And I hope we can still be friends." I was so happy that he said that! So I told him I was so happy that he said that and gave him a hug and it was all happy. And I was so relieved. Throughout the evening I was praying that he would be okay and that we could be friends, and I guess God answered yes to that prayer. It's neat.

So I feel good now. I don't regret going out with him. I had an awesome time with him, I just didn't want to be his girlfriend. And through this whole thing I got closer to Allison ,Jenny, and Rob, because I talked to them a lot about it. And I realized being attached to someone isn't all it's cracked up to be, so I'm happy now being single.

So yeah, its good. In two days Moore and I became a couple, had our first kiss, broke up, and became friends again.

A lot can happen in two days.

9:08 a.m. November 24, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday