I wanna be in a rock band. It would be so cool don't you think? It would be all boys - hot boys - and except for me who would be the lead singer. We'd be the coolest band on the block.

We went to my bro's gig tonight, he and his band. It was in this really seedy club a long, boring way from here. I felt very out of place with my parents. Everyone else was really young and hip and I wanted to be really young and hip too, but every second my dad was like, "Lets take a picture of the stage!" "Let's take a picture of us in front of the stage!" "Let's take a picture of the band." "Let's take a picture of us with the band!" "Let's take a picture of us walking into the club!" "Let's take a picture with us walking out of the club!" "Let's take a picture of the band again!" It got annoying and I felt stupid. I'm sure we blinded everyone with the incessent flashing. I'm not usually embarassed of my parents, but tonight I was.

The band was great though. My bro is awesome. He's the coolest kid on the block and should be a rock star. He just has that cool-aura that some people have. You know? They're just . . . cool.

Every three minutes someone in America attempts suicide. Every 30 minutes someone succeeds. That's what the radio told me anyway. How do they know that though? I'm sure a lot of people attempt suicide and no one knows about it. I did when I was in fifth grade (i was a melodramatic little 11 year old). I felt worthless (which I wasn't) and thought I had no friends (which I did) and I thought about it a lot. One day, when I was in the shower, I started banging my head against that wall. I still don't comprehend how I could do that. I was in fifth grade, fifth graders don't feel deeply enough to kill themselves. Right? Why am I asking you that? I know the answer. They do. I did, apparantly.

9:43 p.m. November 09, 2002
yesterday . not so yesterday