I just got back from Overtime. It was such an amazing experience. Not only because I got to hang out with my friends and have loads of fun and all that good stuff, but spiritually as well. God was so there this weekend. Especially at the camp fire last night. It was such a wonderful experience to sit in God's creation, away from all the distractions of school and homework and boys and this computer, and just to worship him. To tell him I love him and need him and that I fully rely on him. The theme this weekend was focused around Hebrews 12:2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

I wish I was still there. I'm having the end-of-camp-blues, like always.

I just hope that when I get up tomorrow and go to school, that I won't forget the things that I learned. I just hope there will be a change. I'm tired of being disconnected from God. I want his security back. I need him. I never want to forget that.

I was feeling some things this weekend, and just had to write them down, so I just took a few leafs and paper and jotted down my thoughts. It's about a boy named Brett. I wrote it last night.

I wrote:

"I can't help it. He's all i can think about. I should be thinking about God, but all I can think about is him. Him. And I bet all he can think about is someone else. It doesn't matter who it is, as long as it isn't me. It's never me. He's probably into her, or her. Never me.

"Tonight Bailey told me I'm one of the cutest people she knows. She makes me feel so incredibly good about myself. I love her. If only he could see me like that. If only he couldn't live without me. If only he was thinking about me right now.

"But why me? Why, out of everyone else here, all these wonderful girls, why would he chose me? It's probably Savanna he's choosing. He's most likely thinking about her right now.

"Last night, he was looking over my shoulder, standing right behind me, standing so close. So close. I could feel his breathe. It was nice. He probably didn't even notice. He probably doesn't even know.

"I wish I just had one, one good, kind Christian boy to notice me. Little Laura. He was so wise tonight. And funny. And I love his voice when he speaks to everyone.

"If he were my boyfriend right now, if we were in a relationship, I would have been so proud of him tonight. I would have looked at him, listened to him, and been so happy that a guy as wonderful and wise as him was with me. I'd give him a hug afterwards, tell him he did an awesome job. And we would walkback back to the cabin, hand in hand, if it weren't for that dasterdly PDA rule.

"But I must remember that he's not perfect. Though at times like tonight it seemed like he was. But he's not.

"I wish he would chose me. I wish someone would chose me. For once."

Yeah, so that's how I felt last night.

I took tons of pictures this weekend. Ninety-one to be exact. It's nice to have a digital camera so I don't have to wait to get my film developed before I can enjoy the pictures. And now I can send photos to my friends through email. Gotta love that.

5:05 p.m. April 27, 2003
yesterday . not so yesterday