I've been having a serious lackage of words lately. I don't know what it is. I'll get all in the mood to write in my journal and when I actually open it up, I have nothing to say. I don't like it. Not one bit. So right now, I'm just gonna babble about nonsense nothingness that just pops to my mind to maybe get the words flowing.

I had my World Geography Vocabulary final today. No, I don't want to talk about that, that's boring . . .

I hate this!

I don't like Tyler so much anymore. I don't really know what it is. It's weird, because just a few days ago I was all about him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I liked me sooooo much. It was insane. And now, it's just like, "Tyler . . . eh . . ." I don't even remember what all the fuss was all about. It's weird. Really strange.

Crazy teenage hormones. Craaaaaaazy.

I painted on my wall last night, the one my room. Well, I have more than one wall in my room, but one of the four, you know. Anywho, I painted on it. I was reading my school's newspaper last night and read something really cool and wanted to remember it so I was like, "Hey, I have some paint lying around, why not just whip it out and put it on my wall." Yeah, pretty random. But I did it. Now, on the wall next to my door, in gold letters it says, "in the end, it's really what we don't say or do in life that hurts the most." Cool, huh? I think when I find cool quotes or really good scripture and maybe just funny, random thoughts, I will put them on my wall. Oooo! It could be my "Wall of Words." Isn't that neat? I just made it up right now. Yep, I'm a thinker.

See, now I feel better. At first I was feeling all frustrated and down-trotten because I didn't have anything to write, but now I feel better. I even thought of a cool name for my wall.

Today was my last real day of school. I say real because the next three days are just finals and they don't really count. I doesn't seem like summer yet though. I deosn't feel like school is going to be out in only three days. I feels like school is going to be out, like, a month from now. I don't think it has really hit me yet. I doesn't seem real.

I have changed so much this school year. I entered high school as a little girl, intimidated by all the upperclassman and just trying to figure out my place and find my niche. There were so many new people and new stuff to get involved in. It was all so cool and new and everyone seemed so old. Now, I guess I feel older. Like, I don't feel like a little girl anymore. It's not that I feel like I'm an adult or anything. Ha, no way. I just feel older . . . kinda inbetween, I guess. Even though I don't know if I have really found my "niche" or feel that I "fit in" that doesn't really matter so much anymore. I'm confident in myself, I guess. I fit in with me. If that makes any sense. I like me a whole lot better than I did a year ago. I'm more confident and less concerned at what everyone else thinks. Sure, I care some what they think. Hello, I am still in high school. I'm still a teenager. Heck, I'm only 15. But, I just feel different, I guess. I don't know . . . is this making any sense?

It doesn't matter. It makes sense to me and that's all that matters.

4:46 p.m. May 21, 2002
yesterday . not so yesterday