reading: Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
listening: "Heartbreak Town" by the Dixie Chicks
eating: a strawberry popsicle
aniticipating: growing up

I wish I was older and could do things. I wish that when I found out about an event I want to attend, I could just hop in my car and go. I wish I didn't have to first and formost get permission from my parents and then try to find transportation. I wish I could just do it.

I want to go to the Avon Breast Cancer 3-day in San Francisco. I want to go so badly. I want to help them find a cure. I started thinking about this because I clicked on a link in someone's journal and it led me to this page. In case you are too lazy to click the link and read it, the first paragraph says,

"I could tell you all about how training for this walk has changed my life. How setting a goal for myself physically has opened doors and how I've walked over 400 miles so far in my training. I could talk about how 1 in 9 women will get breast cancer in their lifetime and how a new case is diagnosed every 3 minutes. I could tell you about how the disease will claim 5 lives during the next hour."

That scares me. What if I get breast cancer? This girl that she goes on to talk about in the article, she died when she was 24 because of it. Twenty-four. Man. That way too young. My mom's twin died because of it too. She left behind a six year old daughter and a seven year old son, as well as a family that adored her. I was only two at the time, but my mom tells me that there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about her twin. My mom was at risk of getting the cancer too, so she got implants. Like, I don't know all the technical mumbo-jumbo, but they took out all of her real breasts and put in fake ones. It's so scarey, because since it was my aunt that got breast cancer, I have a greater chance of getting it too.

I don't want to die. I mean, I know I will someday, but I want it to be a long, loong time from now. And I don't want other people to die because of this disease.

That's why I wish I was older. Because then I could hop a plane to San Francisco and participate in the walk.

10:58 p.m. May 30, 2002
yesterday . not so yesterday